


Werewolves of Tokyo

by Daegaer



Category: Weiß Kreuz
Genre: Assassins & Hitmen, Gen, Humor, Mad Science, Team Dynamics, Were-Creatures
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-15
Updated: 2017-10-15
Packaged: 2019-01-31 02:42:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,054
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12666624
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Daegaer/pseuds/Daegaer
Summary: Kritiker just wants to create an unholy insult to nature! Why are Weiss so hesitant?





	Werewolves of Tokyo

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the 2017 Weiss Kreuz vs Saiyuki "Last Dance" battle, for [](https://the-rck.dreamwidth.org/profile)[the_rck](https://the-rck.dreamwidth.org/)'s prompt of Omi becoming Kritiker's guineapig for making a werewolf(ish) creature.

"The procedure seems simple enough, Fujimiya-kun," the pale, unhealthy-looking man said. "A mere matter of some recitation of foreign cantrips, a little blood sacrifice, perhaps some transfusions from the test subjects we took from Masafumi-sensei's laboratory –"

"Hhn," Aya said, reading over the lavishly-illustrated brochure. "And this section about the _tragic proclivity to feast upon the hearts-blood of one's own family_?"

"Ahahaha. A little foreign poetic excess in the writing."

"No."

"Fujimiya Aya-san would barely _notice_ if you ate her! She's not even awake! Anyway, young women like exotic experiences –"

Aya drew his sword; the door banged shut as the man exited in a remarkable turn of speed.

 

*

 

"Hidaka-kun, I'm sure you'd like to improve your physical condition. Kritiker has just the way to do so!"

"It hasn't worked for you," Ken said, looking at the man in alarm. "Have you been outside? Ever?"

"You can have the strength of ten men, the speed of, um, a wild animal on the hunt – very useful for an athlete."

"Hold on," Ken said, "is this that werewolf research program Aya mentioned? Because I have enough problems without worrying about getting distemper."

"We'd keep _all_ your vaccinations up-to-date."

Ken ostentatiously made the sign of the cross. The unhealthy-looking man smiled sympathetically and shrugged.

"That works against vampires. I'm not on _that_ project –"

"Right," Ken said, and pulled on his best pair of bugnuks. The ones with the silver claws.

 

*

 

"So, werewolf-guy, right?" Yohji asked, lighting up and blowing smoke into the unhealthy-looking man's face. "I always heard it's _vampires_ that get all the chicks."

"As I explained to Hidaka-kun," the man sighed, "that's a different project. But you could certainly increase your, er, animal magnetism, Kudoh-kun." He pulled a folder from his briefcase. "If you could just sign these forms willing your body to science –"

"Hey, my body is busy every weekend for the next three years," Yohji said. "And I already spend a fortune on my hair and manscaping – Kritiker doesn't pay me nearly enough for the amount of waxing I'd have to upscale to if I actually had fur. You clearly have no idea what girls today demand of a guy." He grinned. "Between us, you've never been laid, right? Not like the guys on the vampire project?"

The man pinched the bridge of his nose, and grimly wrote a phone number on the back of his card. He could take a hint.

"Here's the number for the _other_ project. They'll be looking for volunteers shortly."

"Cool," Yohji grinned. "Fang you very much," he added in a terrible middle-European accent.

 

*

 

Omi looked up from his computer, casually turning the volume up so the chorus of _Thriller_ blared out.

"Welcome! Are you looking for any sort of flowers in particular?" he said cheerfully.

"Sarcasm doesn't become the young, Tsukiyono-kun," the unhealthy-looking man sighed. "I don't require garlic blossoms or wolfs-bane, and would appreciate it if you lowered the crossbow. I am impressed that Kritiker is already issuing silver-tipped quarrels," he added reluctantly.

"You've really been irritating my friends," Omi said. "Aya's grumpier than ever, Ken keeps muttering about the state of his immortal soul, Yohji has bought a _cape_ \- honestly, it's all quite unsettling."

"All right, all right, I'll just put you all down as a "no," and that'll be that," the man said. "Frankly, in my day, people had a bit more loyalty to their organisations and were prepared to put in the extra hours at the lower levels, work towards eventual promotions –"

"This isn't exactly going drinking with the section chief and pretending to enjoy his terrible karaoke," Omi said. "Still, there _are_ probably certain advantages to the programme, even allowing for the usual corporate lies and padding." He looked over the passages he had highlighted in the lavishly-illustrated brochure. "I'll tell you what - _I'll_ do it, as long as you apologise to Aya and Ken and as long as you _definitely_ don't turn Yohji into one of the Eurotrash undead." He shook his head grimly. "You have no idea what torture it is to have to listen to his stories about picking up girls now – it'd be unbearable if he had vampiric powers and actually had any chance of success."

The unhealthy-looking man smiled, and produced a consent form with almost supernatural speed.

"Just sign here, Tsukiyono-kun – and here . . . and here. Thank you. You are truly a credit to your generation!"

Omi looked towards the crossbow. The man left.

 

*

 

"Are you sure that we read all of Takatori Masafumi-sensei's notes correctly?" the unhealthy-looking man asked, a little indistinctly, given that he was wearing several surgical masks and a full decontamination bodysuit.

"Yes, yes," the scientist said. She frowned at him. "You don't really need to wear all that, you know. I mean, I just have a lab coat over my regular clothes."

"Your ears are also considerably more pointed than they were a week ago," he said. "Have your assistants been putting the serum in the coffee again as a prank?"

"Ehhh, probably. Postgrads, what can I say? I think the problem lies in the chanting of the spells. We just don't have anyone in the Tokyo branch with good enough Romanian. I have a feeling several key words were pronounced . . . wrongly."

"I _knew_ we shouldn't have allowed that transfer to London," he muttered. "Well, I suppose it's a start. Has Tsukiyono-kun complained of unholy urges to devour his friends? Or to ravish virgins beneath the light of the gibbous moon?"

The scientist looked at him sceptically. "He _is_ a teenage boy. No, so far he's been spending most of his time sleeping. And eating. And sometimes looking at the internet. You know, like a teenage boy."

They looked through the reinforced glass silently for a few minutes, watching as Omi rolled over on his bed, stretched and came fully awake. He sat up, scratched energetically at his furry, triangular ears and then pounced on a stuffed animal, batting it around the observation chamber until he was distracted by two lab assistants entering with his breakfast. He eagerly played with the string one of them dangled for him while the other replaced his bento box, and playfully chased them out the door.

"The results are awfully – cute," the scientist said.

"I guess I was just hoping for a were _wolf_ ," the man said sadly.


End file.
